I lead two lives sometimes with two different sets of expectations.
I am a strong, independent, go getter woman. I am learning to become tough as nails (for better or for worse). To cry less. To not care about all the clackers clacking. Some say this will make me less human and more of a machine. Maybe that's not such a bad thing. I am 24, successful and respectful. Great. Fabulous. I could go really far in my world (especially with some more schooling, but even without it). The world is my oyster. And I want it to be. Absolutely.
At the same time, I want a family. I want a cozy home and a boiling soup on the stove. I want to have kids who play softball and soccer. And I want to be able to go to their games. I want to bake cookies for bake sales and go to the park with my kids.
I want to do it all and still look good, be in shape, be interesting and have a house full of fascinating people and company at odd hours of the night.
My mother did it and continues to do it. These things were harder to maintain at times.
And I am doing my best to accomplish that though it seems harder with every day.
My move to Seattle is the first time I have taken my personal life into account in my professional world. Sure, I asked to from LA, but that's because I was rotting in Sacramento, not because my heart was somewhere else. And now my heart while moving in the direction of Seattle, it is certainly not all that is motivating me to move there. There is great professional growth for me, new landscape, new opportunities, etc.
Despite all that, I now face stereotypes of being the kind of person who follows her heart and not logic. One who is "chucking her life" for a not so clear reason that may fall apart.
I keep trying to figure out if I should be hurt by this or just shrug it off and keep my head high. Really, I'm leaning toward the latter. People choose to balance their lives all the time. Friends, family, significant others and professional interests have a right to co-exist.
I am struggling to rectify it all in my mind, but mainly because I have never seen anyone do it as an example. So I partially feel guilty for asking for my professional environment to accommodate my wishes. But I don't feel that guilty. I work really hard everywhere I am and have never let my personal life effect my work ethic or ambition. In fact, this is the solution I see, so that I can stay ambitious in the field that I'm in, go to school eventually and not ignore my personal life. Which I want to have.
Looking back on this post, it seems that I am justifying something to myself. And maybe I am.
But I know that I'm ok with all this at the end of the day. I am trying my hardest to keep all the balls in the air, stay sane and move forward in every aspect of my life.
Every life phase has it's challenges. This is mine. But probably a good one to have.