A Life Less Ordinary

Never Understimate Mothers

by Helen

I have been intending to write this post for awhile. Probably since our trip to the Poconos. I got to see my both cousins in action as mothers.  Their styles are very different and their lives partly dictate that as well.  It gave me great food for thought on whether or not I will want to work while being a parent. 

Also, my week there definitely confirmed that motherhood is one of the most selfless acts that one can be involved in.  Your life fully revolves around your children to a point that's really hard for me to imagine.  Your schedule, wishes, desires are completely dictated by a tiny infant/toddler/child who I guess eventually becomes grateful for everything you have done, but not for a very very long time.  And as I believe that all humans are naturally selfish, it begs the question, what satisfaction motherhood brings that outweighs the sleepless nights, and all the other compromises one has to make.

Which brings me to my next point - I have an amazing mother. I mean obviously for all the good standard reasons, but especially because of the wisdom that she can bestow that is amazingly clear and sound. I'm sure there is a time when we all think we have outgrown mother's wisdom and words of advice, but I sometimes get in a pickle and my motherly strict voice of reason is still a nice thing to run to in order to get a road map. 

And for that I am forever thankful.

Amazing Woman

by Helen

Last week I was on the road working closely with a top executive from a large company.  She is 48, a mother of a 16 year old, in great shape and with a fantastic sense of humor.  Despite the fact that she is in charge of hundreds of people and many products, she was also very laid back.

We had great food in Portland, great coffee and great conversation.  We talked about being a woman in business, being a mother, being successful, being educated, having a long distance relationship and many many other things.

I took away from it ideas that are as basic as can be but likely very difficult to implement: you can't be all things to all people.  Just as it seems that all business school students and alumni say that you have to pick three priorities during your time in school and stick to them, the same is clearly true for this woman in life.

I have never been into "women" issues in the business workplace, but the more I explore the professional world, the more curious I am to see how other women accomplish everything that I want to achieve.

This interaction showed me that there are successful women in business that I can look up to and whose success I can achieve because there are clear steps to getting there and maximizing achievements without sacrificing personal life and family life.

Additionally, we talked about business school - she suggested that I take the time in school to figure out if I am an ideas person (strategic planning) or someone who wants to push product out the door and see the results of my work (operations, marketing, etc).  She assured me that both kinds of people make it to the top of the corporate ladder.  She also clearly was not a fun of consultants, which was fascinating to hear.

While the days on the road were stressful and busy, I also learned a lot about what my future will likely hold for me and I can't wait!

Growing Pains

by Irene

There is a big difference between how we think we will act in a certain situation and how we actually act when that given situation arises. More than ever, I'm noticing that I do not act in the way that I think I would. Example you ask? I never thought I would attempt to convince a guy to ask me out on a date (he hasn't). My current growing pains are so acute now because I feel I hardly ever ventured outside my cozy cocoon before.The only problem is that I'm not necessarily happy with the way I behave or my actions once I'm out in the free world.....I suppose I always thought that after nurturing some sort of 'self', that self would come out fully knowing everything about anything. Instead, this self is vulnerable to all sorts of elements. But there's no going back. 

What finally defines us? The way we see ourselves, or the way others see us? Or the way we think or want others to see us?

March 8, 2008

Growing up in Moscow and then for many years in the States, my family acknowledges and celebrates International Women's Day on March 8th.  It is a mix of Mother's Day and Valentine's Day for us with no serious political implication that the day carries for the rest of the world.  While we know that it is Clara Zetkin's birthday and the day of various female movement anniversaries, I have always just enjoyed it as a holiday when women get recognized for the daily adventure of being a woman.

In UCLA, I was always excited around March 8th because it was Daisy Day and there were lots of students passing out daisies all day long. 

In Seattle this year, I got daisies and we went to see Tosca and then to Crow for dinner after the opera.  I would say it was a great International Women's Day.

Dear W,

I've thought a lot about our conversation last week about me moving.  And I want you to know that the more I think about it, the more I appreciate that you took the time to say the things you did.  I have tremendous respect for you and everything you have accomplished in your life and career.  In fact I hope that when I "grow up" I would be able to know, feel and understand people the way you can.  Spending three months with you was an awesome lesson for me - in people skills, in politics and in life in general.

When I made this decision to move, I wondered what you would say.  I thought about all the things that you mentioned - am I moving for the right reasons, am I still going to be a strong and independent woman, am I risking too much, am I losing too much.

And then I sat in Los Angeles traffic going to work.  And yet again came back to a bunch of packed boxes at my parents house.  LA has been great to be back in.  But not great because I haven't forced myself to be an adult here.  I thought about how much I love California and how I want to live here eventually and raise a family.  But right now is the time for me to go and try something new, while still doing it with professional growth.

Yes, I am giving up some existing clients.  But really, the only major account I am losing is you as a client.  And I love the organization - in that you guys raised me.  You and L are as responsible for who I am today as my partners are.  So I've seen what a strong woman in politics looks like.  I promise I am crying less now.  I wear make up and blow dry my hair.  You taught me that substance without appearance is not worth all that much.  You taught me how to be nice to everyone.  How to smile politely and accommodate at times when that was the least convenient thing.  You taught me more than you'll ever know.   And leaving this comfort, is probably the biggest challenge of it all. 

But because I'm an immigrant, starting over is almost second nature I  think.  Trying new places is part of the excitement for me.  And it really almost doesn't matter where I'm going, as long as I'm going somewhere interesting. 

And yes, there is the boy.  He is wonderful: he is smart and kind and humble.  And he knows and understands me.  We have known each other and been friends for over six years. He knows what work means to me, what motivates me in life and that I want to be #1. He told me we would make this work if I moved to Washington DC or Antarctica. It just happens to be that I could make it work and move to Seattle all at the same time. 

Would I have moved to Seattle just because?  Just for kicks?  Probably not.  I probably would have moved to Chicago though. Because I've never been and it sounds like a cool city to live in.  Seattle is kind of similar to Chicago in my mind in that sense. Also, let me tell you, after our DC trip - moving to DC just stopped being all that appealing.  The mood, the attitude, and the lack of acceptance of the current political climate in a productive way makes me think that working on rebuilding the Party is better done in the field than in the beltway. 

So am I making the right decision?  I hope so.  Would it kill me if I was wrong?  Doubtful.  Life is too short to not try new things.  Nothing ventured, nothing gained is the way I'm approaching this. 

I know you love me and I know that you support me in everything that I do and you want to see me succeed.  I truly appreciate it.  I hope to one day have someone look up to me as much as I look up to you.

I promise I'll write emails (since it looks like emails are here to stay, but I can send you a fax too) and call you and still show up to the Holiday party (if you'll have me). 

So thank you again for being there to say what no one else would.  I expected nothing less =) 

Being a Strong, Independent Family Oriented Woman with a Career

I lead two lives sometimes with two different sets of expectations. 

I am a strong, independent, go getter woman.  I am learning to become tough as nails (for better or for worse).  To cry less.  To not care about all the clackers clacking.  Some say this will make me less human and more of a machine.  Maybe that's not such a bad thing.  I am 24, successful and respectful.  Great.  Fabulous.  I could go really far in my world (especially with some more schooling, but even without it).  The world is my oyster.  And I want it to be.  Absolutely. 

At the same time, I want a family.  I want a cozy home and a boiling soup on the stove. I want to have kids who play softball and soccer.  And I want to be able to go to their games.  I want to bake cookies for bake sales and go to the park with my kids. 

I want to do it all and still look good, be in shape, be interesting and have a house full of fascinating people and company at odd hours of the night.

My mother did it and continues to do it.  These things were harder to maintain at times.

And I am doing my best to accomplish that though it seems harder with every day.

My move to Seattle is the first time I have taken my personal life into account in my professional world.  Sure, I asked to from LA, but that's because I was rotting in Sacramento, not because my heart was somewhere else.  And now my heart while moving in the direction of Seattle, it is certainly not all that is motivating me to move there.  There is great professional growth for me, new landscape, new opportunities, etc.

Despite all that, I now face stereotypes of being the kind of person who follows her heart and not logic.  One who is "chucking her life" for a not so clear reason that may fall apart.

I keep trying to figure out if I should be hurt by this or just shrug it off and keep my head high.  Really, I'm leaning toward the latter.  People choose to balance their lives all the time.  Friends, family, significant others and professional interests have a right to co-exist.

I am struggling to rectify it all in my mind, but mainly because I have never seen anyone do it as an example.  So I partially feel guilty for asking for my professional environment to accommodate my wishes.  But I don't feel that guilty. I work really hard everywhere I am and have never let my personal life effect my work ethic or ambition.  In fact, this is the solution I see, so that I can stay ambitious  in the field that I'm in, go to school eventually and not ignore my personal life.  Which I want to have.

Looking back on this post, it seems that I am justifying something to myself.  And maybe I am.

But I know that I'm ok with all this at the end of the day.  I am trying my hardest to keep all the balls in the air, stay sane and move forward in every aspect of my life. 

Every life phase has it's challenges. This is mine.  But probably a good one to have.