A Life Less Ordinary

You think I had it under control? HA!

By Helen

Dear Irene,

You have it so much more together than I ever did! Seriously. You had the courage to do things I did not. You went to school farther away, you moved out of the parents house after college without a job and then had three offers within two weeks. You are not afraid to pay for a studio in the City and enjoy it all. You are doing all the things that people talk of doing when they are in their 20s.

Sure it's not easy. Sure it's confusing. But not sure if that ever changes though.

I was talking to a friend the other day and she was listing off all the things that were going on that were stressful. Friends getting married, people getting sick and recovering, teenage family going through drama, money being tight, etc. Then I was talking to another friend who said "wow, planning a wedding has really put things into perspective on what's worth stressing over and what's not." And through all of this, all I can think of – life is fantastic! It really is. It is full of ups and downs, happiness and sorrow. Our ability to feel it, to embrace and to own is what makes us tick and move through it with a passion. I wouldn't want to NOT stress out about what's next or not worry about how someone in my family is doing or not wonder how to live a life less ordinary. I want it all. The stress of it all makes me feel alive.

I don't know when I got this Zen. Might be the 6am workouts. Or being with Adam actually. Or the wisdom of my young years. Nah, probably Adam J

Life is Messy

By Helen

Dear Irene:

When you graduated from college, I wrote this blog post to you about my life lessons for after college. And I do feel like I've kept you in the loop on the general roughness of the early 20s though most people look back on that time nostalgically. As it turns out, it's because we remember things by pictures and we are usually smiling in those because who would want to take a frowning one?

Anyway, I know that year 1 is still rough. There are all these self-discoveries that are happening and all this lack of clarity of what to do with your time at work and at home. Money is tight, flexibility is there but not the way you thought it would be. Friends are scattered. Family is judging you and wondering what the heck you are doing with your life and if it's going to work out or not. My favorite lines from parents back when I just graduated were:

"I just want you to figure out how you are going to stand on your own two feet and then I won't worry."

Yeah, thanks guys. I'm doing my best over here. If this is what parents say to their employed children, I wonder what the unemployed ones or those working a temp job while figuring out what to do next hear. I bet we have it "easy."

So for what it's worth, try to remember that you are going through the hard patch because you went from a world you knew well to one that is unknown. If I may remind you, your first year of college was only so-so, but by the time you got to year 3 and 4, you loved it, though it was a totally different experience.

It was very similar for me. First year on the job was rough, then I switched jobs because I didn't like what I was doing. After that, I had a great time, but not because it was easy or known. I was pushed in all directions, I didn't learn or know how to take care of myself physically and I certainly had no time to date seriously. So it all came with a price and as a result made me who I am today.

I feel that this all sounds super preachy and I don't mean it to be. I just want you to know that you are not alone. So I thought I'd pull some resources that might help:

Books:

How Remarkable Women Lead - a bunch of stories from super successful women on how they deal with life.

Positivity – being an optimist is a learned skill as it turns out. I know the optimism genes don't run heavily in our family, so I'm working through this book.

Be Your Own Mentor – haven't read this one, but heard good things about it.

 

 

Things to do:

Meet ups – This is a place where people organize each other by interests and meet up.

I've always heard great things about the Road Runner clubs, here is the one for SF.

First Thursday Art Walk

Anyway, I'm sure you know of all these things, but I thought I'd put them all in one place.

 

Graduation Time

By Helen

Dear Irene,

I've been trying to think of what I should tell you on the topic of graduating and what great words of wisdom and reflection I could possibly have for someone as smart, accomplished, charismatic, funny and down to earth as you. I think when I look back on graduating from UCLA 6 years ago, I remember feeling that I could conquer the world. I had my State Senate fellowship all lined up where I was going to make meaningful policy that will change California. Shortly after I joined a campaign and worked for a candidate I believed in. I lived a full life of excitement right after college. I know you say that I get enthusiastic about everything and find so many ordinary things extraordinary and fascinating. To be honest, I think that's what gets me through life. Observing, talking, laughing, stressing out, worrying – all these things combined make my life good. But most importantly, doing things I love, always learning and being around people who inspire me – are aspects that truly make my world complete.

Here is my top 10 for life after college observations for you (I'm sure you've seen it all and heard it before but still):

10. You have something to learn from every person around you, the key is figuring out what it is.

9. Work on your strengths more than you work on your weaknesses – especially professionally.

8. Force yourself to go out and meet new people no matter how tired and exhausted you are. Meeting people after college is hard so don't pass up those opportunities.

7. Make mistakes. Make them often. Whoever said that smart people learn on other people's mistakes forgot to mention that you learn most and best on your own mistakes.

6. Figure out what your answer is to "what do you do for fun" – this seems to be a common topic of conversation after college and it is harder to answer than you think.

5. When you meet a new person, try to remember one thing about him – this is more important than their name because it will give you something to talk about next time you see him.

4. Own your mistakes. Admit to them, embrace them and never say "it's not my fault" (even if it isn't).

3. Always make the people above you and below you look good. Compliment them often. Tell them they are doing a good job.

2. Seek feedback and don't be afraid of it.

1. Whatever you do professionally, make sure you are excited about it at least 60% of the time. Otherwise find another job. I mean it.

P.S. Have a GREAT time in England.

 

Riding the Bus in Seattle

by Helen

Per my sister's request, here is a blog about my bus experience in Seattle.

Since moving to Capitol Hill, I have been pretty intent on avoiding to drive and taking the bus instead. I am lucky because we live in an area that has buses that run in every direction. Since I got my bus pass through school, I probably drive once or twice a week. It helps that my garage is ridiculously hard to get in and out of so my incentive is increased to take the bus. 

Here are the best parts about taking the bus:

-It guarantees at least 20 minutes of walking a day (total)

-I am able to read, listen to music, eat breakfast, etc. without being distracted by driving

-It inadvertently slows down life and makes me appreciate the change in the season, the various dogs and their owners on the streets, and the different faces I see on the bus.

-I am not the DD and I don't have to worry about driving myself anywhere after happy hour or any other drinking function

-I am really enjoying the fact that I am NOT driving. I feel like I have spent so much of my life behind a wheel and in traffic that it's lovely to just take the bus. I wish I could say I feel some great moral superiority about not driving and reducing my carbon footprint, but I don't really. I just selfishly like not being behind a wheel and have someone else do all the work. 

The worst parts about taking the bus:

-I hate it when the bus is early 

-I haven't really hit the rainy part of the season yet so it will be interesting to experience bus riding/walking in the rain. 

-Along the same line of reasoning, I haven't had to walk too much in the dark yet to and from bus stops. So hopefully that will be ok as well. 

Do you like riding the bus?

Getting a Break

by Helen

It feels like many friends are going through tough times - lay offs, relationship problems, job troubles, health issues, exhaustion from overworking, etc.

It is at these times that I feel very lucky to be in good health, be surrounded by loving friends, boyfriend and family and have a stable job that I will hopefully choose to leave this coming August. 

What I have learned recently is that play time is over and none of us ever get a break. Even if we do, we don't really know it until after.  So the most I can do is make the best of it every day and every minute because frankly, tomorrow will hopefully be better but realistically, it might be worse. 

I know that sounds pessimistic, but I don't think many of us know how good we have it until the moment is past.  So let us embrace every second for what it is, work through the hardships, rely on friends for strength and comfort and find humor in the day when we get caught in the pouring rain without an umbrella.

Thank God for Mom

By Irene

Packing the car up for hopefully the last time was sort of like shopping without having to pay for anything. I gathered: canned food, towels, knifes and forks, drinking glasses, a pan, paper towels, toilet paper, I found a huge thing of coffee (YES!!!), I mean, I took our big black table (you know, our dining room table that we've had forever?). Mom made me food. I took two of your posters which were hanging out in the garage (Death Valley and Color of Love, tell me if you had plans to use them). I also took a shelf you never ended up putting in your room. I took a table cloth and the thing you put under it (Mom's doing). I basically cleaned out the house of stuff mom has been collecting for years but that haven't been used in ages. Oh yea, I took a french press, and the food processor (though that's grandma's).

I also saw Brindha!!! Helen, it was SO good to see her. This summer has been very weird in the friends sector, what with the girls both gone, no one from college in town, and other stuff. So seeing her and talking to her, giving her a huge hug (multiples), and hearing her optimism and perspective made leaving for college and starting this semester possible. Also, Joe Biden? What's the scoop? And she brought me back earrings and a hat from Bolivia. I used to think about you know, which friends I'll have forever and which I won't. But I think I'm going to stop thinking about it like that. I don't know whether or not Brindha and I will be friends forever, I just know that right now we have a really wonderful, great relationship. And I can't wait for her to come visit in September and then to come back from Oxford so I can visit her in Stanford again. But I daren't say we'll be friends forever, not because I don't want to, but because sometimes you have to let people go if there isn't the same bond anymore (and create a different type of relationship) and maybe even let new people in, which I've never really thought about because that's scary and tiring. You actually, don't have that leeway, because sisters are a different animal altogether.

I'm ready to write a post that would do this post's title justice, but I think you know what I mean when I say it, so I'm leaving it at is. I know you are going to succeed on Tuesday, and mom and dad know so too. So through brain waves, genetics, and osmosis (just for kicks) you know it too.

Things I Worry About

Based on a conversation I had with a friend, I am creating an inventory of things I worry about that are going to happen in the near future so that perhaps I could just speak in numbers and not in sentences:

1) Not getting a good enough score on the GMAT
2) Not getting into a grad school I want to go to
3) Having to carry a balance on my credit card
4) Having to do long distance again in case I do get into a school I want to go to
5) Not being able to keep a work out schedule
6) Not doing well at work

A Series of 3 Posts - Part 1

Irisha,

I think you going to the opera with friends is awesome.  Knowing you, you probably organized the whole thing, found the rush tickets, invite people to come along and reminded them of the dress code.  And I think that's wonderful.  People like you make life more interesting and fulfilling for those who don't know how to do the cool things that we were brought up with as part of our regular life.  Going to the opera is no harder than going to a sale or out to dinner to a cool place, but people don't seem to think so.

It's also interesting the different things we do that mark growing up.  I thought that you moving away from home last year or even moving into your apartment and cooking dinner for everyone and anyone who walks through the door (just like mom does) is what would have hit you as a growing up point.  But instead, it's going to the opera. 

I guess I'm not all that different.  This year, I bought my first opera subscription all on my own. 

Speaking of theater, this is a funny exchange I had with mom.

It's 2pm on Wednesday and my phone rings (I'm at lunch with my boss in WA).  It's from mom, so I pick up just in case something is wrong. 

Me: Hi Mom!
Mom: Hi Honey.  Are you in town the week of October 20-27?
Me: Ummm...yes, I think I am after starting October 22.
Mom: Great. I'm trying to get tickets to King Lear, which are really hard to get and it's a very popular theater production.
Me: Ok...Thanks I guess.
Mom: I gotta go, but I just wanted to make sure you knew I was working on tickets for us.
Me: Ok.

2 hours later, I get this email:

I managed to get one ticket for "King Leare"  10/23/07 at Royce Hall
It's yours.
I'll keep trying to get tickets for us too, hopefully later
Love, Mom

I love our mother.

On Opera and Units

*This is a letter from my sister on September 23, 2007

Aleonka,

We realize we have five minutes before the show begins, so we rush through the lobby and bounce into a crowed elevator, the type you and I would try to stifle our laughing in among the overpowering smell of old lady perfume. We rush out of the elevator at the floor on our ticket, hurry into the crowded auditorium, frantically find our seats and as I sit down I realize we are on the first balcony, that is we have these amazing seats and I am overpowered by this beautiful (almost gaudy), stunning opera house and stage. The set design is amazing, there is this rich purple shimmery curtain. At first I was disappointed because Samson had a weak voice, but he pulled through. And for the first time I wasn't bored a single time. I have to say the story of Samson and Delilah is definitely opera-worthy. The lead female singer, Olga Borodina, was supposedly battling a cold and might've not performed, but she did and she had this huge, massive voice (to match her physique), it seemed she was barely trying, she just opened her mouth to whisper, and out comes this voice... and you're mesmerized (until Samson starts singing again). So during intermission we roam around - we go downstairs first, walk by the private balconies, you know, where Julia Roberts sat with Richard Gere? We were so out of place, these incredibly wealthy people, and oh, these little tables with chilled wine glasses and cheese plates and fruit plates during intermission...champagne bottles, such well dressed people. And then we started climbing up, up, up, past our seats, to the very top, where the normal folk was lingering about, some people even in jeans, which is just mind boggling. I just wish that we could all go there together, like as though we were going to the Dorothy Chandler, but instead ended up San Francisco as a detour. I love student rush tickets....it felt we were the only people our age in the entire house. There were younger children milling about. I am no longer a kid. I went to the opera by myself with friends.

So yea. I'm seriously considering reducing my load to 13 units this semester. Do you think that is completely obnoxious? I'll be taking organic chemistry, geography (for major) and slavic theater (not for major). Am I a terrible person? Ugh. I have a job and I'm looking into volunteering in a free clinic, because my research thing fell through. And the class I want to drop is an upper div. econ class which I need for my major but I do not feel equipped for. But 13 units?

Why I'm Doing This

My dear sister,

I think I remember the week I got into college.  I found out when I was in Palo Alto, but when I came home and a little bit of time has passed, you and I talked about it.  You were happy for me, excited that I got into the school I wanted to go to and yet you had tears in your eyes.  You said that I was going to miss out on all the important things in your life because I was going away to college and you were just starting all the exciting things. 

I tried to understand, but after all, I was only going 30 miles from home.  So I thought it was all going to be ok.  And, of course, it was.  But looking back, I did miss a lot of things.  I missed life as it happened to you in your toughest years. 

Now, I have graduated and you just completed your first year of college and are beginning the second year.  The world is your playground, or it should be anyway.  But perception is a scary thing and the future right now probably seems more uncertain to you than it ever has before.  So I want to write this blog and share with you the observations on life I have to show you that you are not alone in the gamut of feelings you feel.  We are all there.  We are all a little bit confused and very much so scared that life will not work out the way it's supposed to. 

So I'm blogging so that we miss less of our life and talk more even if it's not through a traditional medium of phones, snail mail letters and even email.  So that you know that I am paying attention and don't want to miss anything that happens to you and I don't want you to miss anything in my life either.