A Life Less Ordinary

Fresh Brew Coffee

I live across a building which has a tiny unpresumptuous coffee shop on the first floor. The shop is called "Fresh Brew Coffee" with a fading green awning that says: espresso sandwiches pastries. When the weather is nice, people sit outside.

The place is run by a Vietnamese man, his name is Jackie as he is quick to tell you. He will always try to sway you to get his Vietnamese sandwiches, though there are regular deli sandwiches and all-day breakfast options which I usually go with. A great deal of thought was put into the little amount of available space. There are just 6 small metal tables split between inside and outside. There are shelves with the current newspaper and books by the window you can read while you wait or eating. Today someone walked in asking how much a newspaper was - Jackie said he doesn't sell them, they are just for his customers to read.

The food comes quickly, always by a teenage-looking girl, with braces, tall and lanky. It seems Jackie knows the majority of people who come to the shop. He knows their order. We spoke briefly as well, asking me if I'm working today (no), where I live (right across the street), what my name is (Irene), whether I'm enjoying my 3-day Halloween weekend (yes, and you?). I heard him do the same spiel with numerous people as I sat at my little table pretending to read my book while actually people-watching inside the shop and passing by on the street.

This place is simple, tidy and dingy, inexpensive, efficient. Much like a lot of these incredibly local TenderNob coffee shops. But the real gem is Jackie, who makes you feel like you just walked into his home and now is sharing his food with you. Often you don't pay until after you're done eating. A black little lady came in asking for Jackie, when he saw her while he was somewhere in the depths of the kitchen he shouted a hellooo and came out to sit at her little table and chat about something or other. As I was leaving, he was again somewhere behind the counter, honestly he couldn't have seen me get up easily, and told me to have a good day. This is a man who knows his job and his community in and out. And it's this that makes his shop stand out.

 

 

While you were gone

by Irene

Dear Helen:

You have done such a fantastic job keeping us all posted on your travels! I’m so glad you guys recorded videos and posted them (as well as the pics)! I thought…now that you’re back, I should give a quick updated of everything that has happened since you left – though, truly, it has not been much at all!

Let’s see….one weekend Ivan and I rented a car and we went camping in Mendocino National Park. That was fun – we swam in a lake, we wore SHORTS because it was above 70 degrees, we drove for miles and miles on unpaved road in a rental car, we slept in the TENT that you and Adam got me for my birthday! Great tent, by the way – perfect size for two people. It was very nice to get out of the city.

Then, one night I hung out with a friend I made in Ireland when I was there last summer. She’s actually French, and she and her boyfriend were visiting California. We went to a bar and then we ate delicious pizza and I had a really good time! We spoke some random combination of French and English, mainly English.

As you know, of course, I also cut my hair off. Which reminds me…I really need to donate it. It’s somewhere in my closet in a bag. I quite like the change – and it IS a change. I’m now shopping for jewelry/accessories so I don’t look too much like a boy. I think you said this and so has everyone who has ever seen mom – that I look a lot like her. Anyway, the hairdresser did a great job. I was nervous at work before going to the salon, but once I was there she was so excited to do my hair and just didn’t have a doubt that I would love it.  People’s super positive reaction at work has been really nice too. Everyone was just wowed by it.

Most recently Leo and I hung out when he came up north to visit Shark, his brother, and me. As Leo had just turned 21, we could go to bars, which we did. It was really weird but also totally natural at the same time. He’s so much older than the kid I usually associate him – you know, with bangs covering his eyes and not coming down during the Christmas party (when I was in high school) because he was so intimidated by all the people there. Quite a different Leo now!

And, of course, throughout all of this two predominant things have been happening:

1. I’ve been playing a lot of tennis, mainly with Laura but sometimes with Ivan too.
2. Happy hours after work.
3. Brunch and coffee.

Oh, also, I have been using the le creuset you guys got me – have made Moroccan chicken twice now – and it’s delicious. My favorite part is the way the couscous comes out, because it calls for cinnamon, turmeric, and cumin and you add raisins which really puff out. Anyway, it’s delicious.

One year ago

By Irene

One year ago, I was about to turn 22. I had recently graduated from Cal and moved back to LA to parents’ house, after having putting everything in storage with Ivan one night. That same night I sat on my empty living room floor drinking beers with my landlord and a friend, trying to clean some more as they chatted.  Around this time last year I think I was cramming for the LEED AP exam, though I can't remember (mainly because I crammed all of it into basically one night and everything was a blur).  I was getting ready to go to England that summer. It was before I crashed Vinny. Vanya sent me a surprise bouquet marking 1 year of dating. I drove up to Palo Alto with Brindha's parents for her Stanford graduation. I stayed the night in Berkeley and then took Caltrain with Vanya to Stanford. It was scorching in Stanford. I flew back down to LA with Brianna. Friends came over for a casual birthday thing at our house. It was one of the rare occasions when my worlds mixed.

Now, a year later, I am sitting in my studio in SF. Today I got into work by 6:30am for a conference call. My manager didn't scare me the way she usually does. In a little over a week, I'll be on a plane flying to Seattle for your graduation. Two weeks ago was your bachelorette party with the crazy dance parties in the limo. In 3 weeks, you'll be getting married and I'll be by your side. In a little under 2 weeks I'll be 23. Tiffany's birthday is May 23, so I always associate the number 23 with her. This Saturday, Niv will move to the bay area, he'll be living literally 5 blocks away from Vanya which is funny. I intend to see him often. On Sunday, Brindha and I will get a manicure/pedicure. It's part of my birthday gift to her from way back in January (and I got an awesome coupon for it). Last weekend Brindha and I went shopping at an outlet mall 50 miles south from here. This Friday I think we’re doing a girls night out dancing. This Sunday a woman who I worked with at Cedars Sinai many many years ago, who also wrote me letters of rec, is coming to Berkeley because her daughter is starting Cal in the fall. She also is asking me to now write her a letter of rec because she’s applying to become a full time professor at UCLA. I am also going to volunteer a couple times at my little theater next door next week (streetcar named desire).

A lot can happen in a year. I feel overwhelmed by how much visibly has changed in my life, and though I can't pinpoint how I have changed, I know I have quite a bit. For whatever reason, I've been thinking a lot about my birthday this year -- that is, what I want to do for it. This is my first time celebrating my birthday in northern California, and my first birthday when I'm in California but not at home in LA for it. I have this really strong desire to gather all the people who are close to me up here, and just surround myself with them and steal a couple hours of their time just for me. Is this incredibly selfish?

Change and Moral Compasses

By Irene

Today I officially accepted the Environmental Sustainabilty Analyst position at Levi's.

I asked to speak to my boss's boss briefly, who I am very very scared of, to say thank you for the opportunity, etc, and also asked her for any words of advice she has for me, as I'm starting out on my first job. She's now the director of our team, and has been with the company for over 20 years. She also started as an analyst, and has seen the company go through a lot of changes. She's been incredibly successful in driving Levi to be a sustainability leader in the apparel industry through truly creative and outside the box thinking.

Her two pieces of advice:

1. Be able to accept and adapt to change: recognize when it's happening, don't work against it, be able to move forward. In the context of Levi's I'm sure this meant both in terms of the company within itself changing numerous times, including going from private to public back to private, and also, how the team itself has changed and its role in the company has changed, as well as sustainbility in the broader context is always changing as well.

2. Stick with positive people: she said that there will always be negative people who will not like this or that, but, as long as what you are doing is in line with your values, she said she has stayed away from those circles of negative energy to keep that sort of subconscious background chatter at a minimum. Of course, she clarified, it's important to tune in so as not to be blind sited, you can't be a complete lone soldier, but, at the end of the day, you follow your own moral compass. I thought this was general good life adivce.

All in all, I thought these were two really great insights, and I was thankful that she took the time to share them with me (I often feel she is way too busy to talk to anyone, let alone me), and, I'm glad I asked to speak with her alone in a little conference room, even though it was scary.

 

 

wake up, wake up, you're late, you're late, wake up....

Ask anyone who's lived with me: don't talk to me in the morning. I am just not a morning person. It is not correlated to how much sleep I get, it could be 10 hours of 5.

This, however, is pretty much bad news bears for the rest of my career life. Ideally I should get into the office by 8am every day, though the earlier I get in the better. My boss is on the east coast, and a bunch of people are in Europe and Asia, who I have a greater chance of catching the earlier I get in.

The problem with getting in supremely early? EVEN if I get to the office early (i.e. by my contractor standards before 9:30am) I am not truly awake until at least 10, maybe 11. One of my boss's is a sassy fellow and has joked that he doesn't ask me to do things until after lunch. This is an accute observation, as about 2-9pm is my prime. In fact, I really enjoy working 6pm-9pm in the office. I am SUPER productive for 3 solid hours, going home feeling extremely accomplished, brain fried. Which, inevitably, means the next morning is hard again.

So, the question is -- how do I not only wake up on time but also actually be mentally awake in time to start an 8am day? And it's not like I don't know the answer. In order to get into the office mentally awake, I need to be awake for a couple hours before I get into the office. So, for example, when I took the Dailey Method at 6am, I was pretty damn awake by the time I got into the office, ditto to when I did early morning runs. And even now, I'm drinking my second cup of coffee and writing this, putting some space between mad rush to get ready and running out the door, which will help once I'm behind my desk staring at excel (or heavens forbid TALKING to people).

But here's the thing -- waking up at 5:30am (did not do that today, though I sure did try) just isn't my thing, though IF I CAN get out of bed, I LOVE being awake that early, having those extra morning hours, seeing the street below wake up. I just physically can't do it. I can do it like 2 times, when it is a novelty, but after the newness and the excitement of doing something unusual wears off, I am back to snoozing. And, even waking up at a more godly hour like 6:3o or 7:00 or 7:30 or sometimes 8. (I know, embarassing) gets hard, even though the night before I set my alarm clock and am all psychologically ready to wake up at a reasonable hour, so I'm not in a big rush in the morning.

So, the REAL question is how do I trick myself to get out of bed when I actually intended to get out of it, rather than the ABSOLUTE last minute. I need a personal "get out of bed" PERSON. Do you think someone is in that business?

 

 

 

 

Parallels

Dear Helen,

I was perusing your old posts - this blog has been around for quite some time! Even though I had read all of them as they were coming out, as I read them now, I have a very different perspective on it all. I love how you chronicled your early 20s so thoroughly. It's truly remarkable how human those posts are. I recall reading them and feeling like I understood a little bit better what you were going through, but it was so different back then...I was probably in high school and beginning freshmen year of college during the truly beginning prolific writing episodes of this blog.  And I recall reading them in the library before starting to study, always looking forward to see if you had updated. It's particularly interesting to read quite a few of the old blogs (including those in which you're contemplating whether or not to move to Seattle) now that you and Adam are about to get married.

I'm sure my early 20s are in some ways similar and in many ways  different. We are, after all, quite different people. My life at the moment seems really weird to me. I think, before this, I was able to step back and look at me and how I'm living and be able to paint a succinct picture. And, I know that, from the outside, it must seem pretty easy to do it for me now -- young professional, working and living in a big city for a big company, boyfriend still in school. But the odd thing is that from the inside perspective (i.e. mine), I don't see a clear picture or path. I really miss my friends a great deal, and in particular, the group dynamics of our circle. And, when my friends do come into town, it's as though I remember who I am, the person I like to be. It's odd, how the people around us, remind us who we are. Especially people from a really long time ago.

And, by the older generation in our family, I am constantly being asked -- are you going to museums? Are you going to performances? And it's like...yes, I go every once in a while...but that's not the only thing to do in a big city. There are so many crazy things that go on here - from a "big wheel" race down Portrero Hill, to eating sushi that is being drawn by little boats around the counter, to the SF International Movie Festival....there's just literally a bajillion things going on and I swear sometimes its overwhelming. Today, for example, I left work at 6 and upon coming home and making dinner, caught up on internet surfing. Like, seriously, that's what I did for 4 hours. On several weekends I've just roamed around my neighborhood. There's so much to see. There's an antique pastry shop a couple blocks up, and an oyster bar which has a super long line during lunch time on the weekends. It's a tiny little place which only has seating at a bar, behind which presumably they're preparing your practically alive osysters. There are a bunch of 2nd hand shops, costume shops, discount stores, coffee shops, a Whole Foods, a plant store...I actually really like my little neighborhood, it has an abundance of hidden charm.

And no, I really have no idea where this is all going, both in regard to this post and my path. I know I'll be going back to school in a couple years. I just don't know what I'd be studying. Everything is confusing. Keeping a sense of identity is hard. Keeping a sense of humor is hard. Updating my wardrob to at least resemble my age (instead of a 40 yr old) is hard. I don't know...everything is hard. Nothing is coming naturally, which is sorta scary. Will it always be hard just to be? And what do I want to "be" anyway?

At the end of the day, it makes me feel better knowing that you had a lot of questions during this time too, and I can only hope to deal with them with as much grace as you did.

 

 

Random Meanderings

by Irene

Dear Helen,

Your recent posting abundance has inspired me to post too. Problem? Have no idea what to write about.

This has been my first weekend without visitors in I think two months. On Friday evening I went to Niv's art show opening at Giant Robot. It's a rather small gallery in Cole Valley, which had what seemed like a gazillion people come to see the art work the first night. It was art work inspried by video games, and showcased probably about 15 artists' work, Niv's, among them. Brindha came all the way from Stanford, and another friend from high school who now lives in SF was there too. His college friends. And then seriously a million of other people (who all sorta look the same -- bearded, drinking beer, wearing hats, smoking). Afterwards a couple of us got drinks at a nearby bar. Oh, and before that, Vanya and I tried EOS, a small plates wine bar, which quite delicious food (where, if you're on the poorer side, it helps to not go too hungry). Learned that a "flight" means trying a bunch of different wines. Was recommended to go there by running into one of the actrices from the theater I volunteer at, who apparently lives in that neighborhood. She was on her way to the theater for that night's performance.

Anyhow, Saturday ended up being a super mellow day. I don't even necessarily remember what I did, except for volunteering at the theater. Basically, I am a stage manager, which means that I set up the props and the stage and  make sure the actors are in their places before the show starts, and during intermission I move stuff around the stage and again, make sure the actors are in their places. The backstage is underneath the stage and it is usually a good 10 degrees colder than the box office area. So I bring my ski jacket. There, I started reading Angels in America by Tony Kushner. It's a really intense play about HIV and the 80s and politics.  Backstage there are a million plays and the actors sit around talking or practicing lines before they climb super rickety stairs to get to the stage. There is a heater, an iron, and a water boiler, which, if you turn them all on at the same, causes a power outage. There are two racks of costumes from previous performances, there are worn leather couches and props from shows probably back in the 90s. After this play is over, they'll be showing A Streetcar Named Desire.

Volunteering at the theater was interesting for the first couple of weeks, but now I'm quite over it. Unfortunately, it's much more like a second job two days a week than something interesting and creative. I realize now that I need a creative outlet as a compliment to my job. I will probably not volunteer there more, or, if I do, it'd be to help paint something or think of props. Also, working back stage sorta takes the magic away for me. I like being on the outside of the performanc, behind the "third wall" as I think it's called. Or the "curtain" that divides the audience from the actors. Knowing all the props and what the other actors are doing while the commotion happens on the stage....I don't know, it removes what helps you otherwise watch the play and get involved in that story. And I really like that feeling. That's why I go to theater. To be removed from my life, and examine or think about or feel something completely different, which, inevitably, in the end, I somehow translate back into my life or how I perceive something in my life.

Today I went  back to Berkeley to meet up with Niv and his friends for brunch. It was interesting to be in Berkeley on a Sunday afternoon. Haven't been there for a long time at that hour. Going back to Berkeley is really pleasant. It's become like coming home, for me. I know all the little stores and restaurants. I know the streets. I know where to get anything I might need. I know all the bars and things to do or where to find out about them. I know the campus -- I feel utterly at home in Berkeley. This feeling of comfort and a sort of ease of mind in Berkeley reminds me of how little I know San Francisco, and how I absolutely do not feel at home here. It is new and exciting, but it's also big, and strange, and foreign, and I haven't figured it out yet.

Getting to know a larger place of course also takes a lot longer. Berkeley is tiny in comparison to SF, and I was there for 4 years. There's a publication I started looking at called 7x7, which lists interesting things happening in the city, from best new restaurants to try to arty things to new movies to even weddings. There's seriously a tab on weddings.

Additionally, I'm reading an incredibily good book by Junot Diaz, called The Brief Wondrous Life of OScar Wao. It is fantastic. Diaz has a way to write that it gets under your skin, so that you sorta smell the characters and what they're going through. Unlike a lot of books that you observe from the outside, this book swallows you and all of a sudden you're inside the world of the characters. You're still observing from a distance, but you're inside the book. I'm going to use a Harry Potter reference here - so, sometimes, it's like you're standing outside the Pensieve looking into the memory (typical books) and then you dive into the Pensieve and you're part of the dream but you're invisible to the other characters (this book).