A Life Less Ordinary

One year ago

By Irene

One year ago, I was about to turn 22. I had recently graduated from Cal and moved back to LA to parents’ house, after having putting everything in storage with Ivan one night. That same night I sat on my empty living room floor drinking beers with my landlord and a friend, trying to clean some more as they chatted.  Around this time last year I think I was cramming for the LEED AP exam, though I can't remember (mainly because I crammed all of it into basically one night and everything was a blur).  I was getting ready to go to England that summer. It was before I crashed Vinny. Vanya sent me a surprise bouquet marking 1 year of dating. I drove up to Palo Alto with Brindha's parents for her Stanford graduation. I stayed the night in Berkeley and then took Caltrain with Vanya to Stanford. It was scorching in Stanford. I flew back down to LA with Brianna. Friends came over for a casual birthday thing at our house. It was one of the rare occasions when my worlds mixed.

Now, a year later, I am sitting in my studio in SF. Today I got into work by 6:30am for a conference call. My manager didn't scare me the way she usually does. In a little over a week, I'll be on a plane flying to Seattle for your graduation. Two weeks ago was your bachelorette party with the crazy dance parties in the limo. In 3 weeks, you'll be getting married and I'll be by your side. In a little under 2 weeks I'll be 23. Tiffany's birthday is May 23, so I always associate the number 23 with her. This Saturday, Niv will move to the bay area, he'll be living literally 5 blocks away from Vanya which is funny. I intend to see him often. On Sunday, Brindha and I will get a manicure/pedicure. It's part of my birthday gift to her from way back in January (and I got an awesome coupon for it). Last weekend Brindha and I went shopping at an outlet mall 50 miles south from here. This Friday I think we’re doing a girls night out dancing. This Sunday a woman who I worked with at Cedars Sinai many many years ago, who also wrote me letters of rec, is coming to Berkeley because her daughter is starting Cal in the fall. She also is asking me to now write her a letter of rec because she’s applying to become a full time professor at UCLA. I am also going to volunteer a couple times at my little theater next door next week (streetcar named desire).

A lot can happen in a year. I feel overwhelmed by how much visibly has changed in my life, and though I can't pinpoint how I have changed, I know I have quite a bit. For whatever reason, I've been thinking a lot about my birthday this year -- that is, what I want to do for it. This is my first time celebrating my birthday in northern California, and my first birthday when I'm in California but not at home in LA for it. I have this really strong desire to gather all the people who are close to me up here, and just surround myself with them and steal a couple hours of their time just for me. Is this incredibly selfish?

Random Meanderings

by Irene

Dear Helen,

Your recent posting abundance has inspired me to post too. Problem? Have no idea what to write about.

This has been my first weekend without visitors in I think two months. On Friday evening I went to Niv's art show opening at Giant Robot. It's a rather small gallery in Cole Valley, which had what seemed like a gazillion people come to see the art work the first night. It was art work inspried by video games, and showcased probably about 15 artists' work, Niv's, among them. Brindha came all the way from Stanford, and another friend from high school who now lives in SF was there too. His college friends. And then seriously a million of other people (who all sorta look the same -- bearded, drinking beer, wearing hats, smoking). Afterwards a couple of us got drinks at a nearby bar. Oh, and before that, Vanya and I tried EOS, a small plates wine bar, which quite delicious food (where, if you're on the poorer side, it helps to not go too hungry). Learned that a "flight" means trying a bunch of different wines. Was recommended to go there by running into one of the actrices from the theater I volunteer at, who apparently lives in that neighborhood. She was on her way to the theater for that night's performance.

Anyhow, Saturday ended up being a super mellow day. I don't even necessarily remember what I did, except for volunteering at the theater. Basically, I am a stage manager, which means that I set up the props and the stage and  make sure the actors are in their places before the show starts, and during intermission I move stuff around the stage and again, make sure the actors are in their places. The backstage is underneath the stage and it is usually a good 10 degrees colder than the box office area. So I bring my ski jacket. There, I started reading Angels in America by Tony Kushner. It's a really intense play about HIV and the 80s and politics.  Backstage there are a million plays and the actors sit around talking or practicing lines before they climb super rickety stairs to get to the stage. There is a heater, an iron, and a water boiler, which, if you turn them all on at the same, causes a power outage. There are two racks of costumes from previous performances, there are worn leather couches and props from shows probably back in the 90s. After this play is over, they'll be showing A Streetcar Named Desire.

Volunteering at the theater was interesting for the first couple of weeks, but now I'm quite over it. Unfortunately, it's much more like a second job two days a week than something interesting and creative. I realize now that I need a creative outlet as a compliment to my job. I will probably not volunteer there more, or, if I do, it'd be to help paint something or think of props. Also, working back stage sorta takes the magic away for me. I like being on the outside of the performanc, behind the "third wall" as I think it's called. Or the "curtain" that divides the audience from the actors. Knowing all the props and what the other actors are doing while the commotion happens on the stage....I don't know, it removes what helps you otherwise watch the play and get involved in that story. And I really like that feeling. That's why I go to theater. To be removed from my life, and examine or think about or feel something completely different, which, inevitably, in the end, I somehow translate back into my life or how I perceive something in my life.

Today I went  back to Berkeley to meet up with Niv and his friends for brunch. It was interesting to be in Berkeley on a Sunday afternoon. Haven't been there for a long time at that hour. Going back to Berkeley is really pleasant. It's become like coming home, for me. I know all the little stores and restaurants. I know the streets. I know where to get anything I might need. I know all the bars and things to do or where to find out about them. I know the campus -- I feel utterly at home in Berkeley. This feeling of comfort and a sort of ease of mind in Berkeley reminds me of how little I know San Francisco, and how I absolutely do not feel at home here. It is new and exciting, but it's also big, and strange, and foreign, and I haven't figured it out yet.

Getting to know a larger place of course also takes a lot longer. Berkeley is tiny in comparison to SF, and I was there for 4 years. There's a publication I started looking at called 7x7, which lists interesting things happening in the city, from best new restaurants to try to arty things to new movies to even weddings. There's seriously a tab on weddings.

Additionally, I'm reading an incredibily good book by Junot Diaz, called The Brief Wondrous Life of OScar Wao. It is fantastic. Diaz has a way to write that it gets under your skin, so that you sorta smell the characters and what they're going through. Unlike a lot of books that you observe from the outside, this book swallows you and all of a sudden you're inside the world of the characters. You're still observing from a distance, but you're inside the book. I'm going to use a Harry Potter reference here - so, sometimes, it's like you're standing outside the Pensieve looking into the memory (typical books) and then you dive into the Pensieve and you're part of the dream but you're invisible to the other characters (this book).

 

 

 

 

 

 

Where have you been?

by Helen

I know, I know, winter break and all.  I am due to write my year in review and I will do that shortly.

In the meantime, I finally started a Monday Dinner blog.  I'm trying out Word Press, mainly for the multiple user scenario, which maybe we should go to as well. 

Anyway, still a work in progress, but here is the blog: Monday Dinner Blog.

Golden Gate Bridge

By Irene

Yesterday, Brindha, Emily, and I walked across the Golden Gate Bridge. It's 1.7 miles long in one direction, and the best time to visit is May/June and September/October. The bridge is incredibly majestic, the fog and wind make it only more so. When we started walking across, the San Francisco side wasn't completely enveloped in fog, which we could tell was moving in fast - too bad pictures can't convey movement. It took us about 45 minutes to get across to Marin, which was totally clear - there were a ton of sailboats and people para-sailing, and it was quite nice.

Our trek back was completely in fog, and for some reason, going back to San Francisco was a lot more tiring than going in the other direction. The wind, the loudness of the cars passing by, and the fog all around us was somehow draining. So when we finally reached our car, we were windswept and tired, but happy that we braved it.

 

San Francisco side                                            Marin side

Getting a Break

by Helen

It feels like many friends are going through tough times - lay offs, relationship problems, job troubles, health issues, exhaustion from overworking, etc.

It is at these times that I feel very lucky to be in good health, be surrounded by loving friends, boyfriend and family and have a stable job that I will hopefully choose to leave this coming August. 

What I have learned recently is that play time is over and none of us ever get a break. Even if we do, we don't really know it until after.  So the most I can do is make the best of it every day and every minute because frankly, tomorrow will hopefully be better but realistically, it might be worse. 

I know that sounds pessimistic, but I don't think many of us know how good we have it until the moment is past.  So let us embrace every second for what it is, work through the hardships, rely on friends for strength and comfort and find humor in the day when we get caught in the pouring rain without an umbrella.

Candy cane party

I am preparing for the Candy Cane party tonight.

Friends are coming over and there will be a warm fireplace, a decorated tree, eggnog, lasagna, wine and candy cane making.

Let the holiday season begin!

Post Elections Thoughts

by Helen

This is a message that I received less than a week after the election from a childhood friend on Facebook in a response to a status update that said that I am still proud of being a Republican after I lost 4 out of 4 races this November (not counting John McCain's race):

Subject line: unbelievable

You are proud to be a Republican?? For what exactly? For putting our economy in the toilet, an illegal war and consequent occupation (including destruction of Iraqi infrastructure, the murder of 100,000 innocent Iraqi civilians and thousands of US troops, etc.), for lying and manipulating the country for years on countless issues? Aren't you guys the party of personal responsibility? How about taking some for once?

---------------------

I received this email as I was landing in Hawaii and did not think it was necessary to reply to it seeing as I was beginning to feel the warm air and the aloha spirit. 

I lost all four races this cycle - my worst political record to date.

3 of the races came as no surprise in a year like this one

And the last one, the race for State Rep in Washington State I was pretty bummed about. I worked really hard and had the better candidate who walked 19,000 homes in the last year.  We ran the better program, the better campaign, etc.  And while the candidate has closed the gap and is now only down 500 votes, he will not pull it off.

That's the hard one for me - when you clearly have the better candidate who would do a better job, but when you get caught up in the tide, all politics is not local and sometimes it's quite national.   But I do take responsibility by not only working in politics, but also volunteering for candidates I believe in.  For those who I think will make our country a better place. I wonder if every critic out there, can say the same thing.

Of course Teddy Roosevelt's quote comes to mind,

"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."

So my status update was there to encourage all of my friends and colleagues who have sacrificed months of their lives for the candidates they believed in, who lost sleep, impacted their relationships with their loved ones, took pay cuts and are all job hunting right now.  The campaign path is not an easy one and I respect those who take it and hope that everyone gets up after wins and most importantly after losses.

I do take the questioning of my judgment for supporting John McCain and the Republican ticket very personally and very seriously. After all, I think in a democracy, we have a right to have different opinions of what is best for this country and how to get there.  I think the beauty of it all is that we have elections every two years so when and if the American people are unhappy, they have an opportunity and an obligation to change the course that the country is on.  Nothing in America is permanent.  And I have seen nothing but class and respect from President Bush and the First Lady to the President-Elect and his wife during this transition period. 

So yes, I continue to stand tall and be proud of being a Republican at a time when having that label is as unpopular as it was after Watergate.  And I do appreciate all the people in my life who have reached out and asked me how I'm doing after the election and all the kind emails and good articles I have gotten from friends who don't agree with me politically but respect me for what I do.

Seattle Fun in the Rain

by Helen

Last weekend Rikesha was in town and we had all sorts of fun.

We started out on Friday at dinner at the 22 Doors where we fulfilled the cosmopolitan requirement for the evening, then went to Cupcake Royale where we had coffee and cupcakes. 

On Saturday, we started our day at Seattle Works where we painted an apartment, then we went to the Ave where we looked at art (more on that later) and had lunch at Thai Tom - best Thai food in town. 

After that we went back to Kirkland where we spent time at the Kahili Coffee Shop reading the hilarious Stranger and then went down to the water front.  Oh yeah - side not, very rainy weekend - Seattle was in full character - rainy, drizzly, grumpy, which led to a large need for coffee.

Later we proceeded to try to make it to the Theo Chocolate tour but we failed due to the rain and general slowness that we were all experiencing.  Instead we just bought lots of chocolate and then went to another coffee shop to have a snack before dinner.

    

Dinner in downtown was nice - we had cosmos that were excellent during the first round, but sort of mediocre second time around so we sent them back (when I saw we bravely, I mean Rikesha).  After dinner, we went to the symphony to listen to a celebration of Big Band. After a quick stop at Kerry Park for the night view of Seattle, we headed home for Wine and WII followed by an abrupt sleep.

  

Sunday we headed to brunch at Kingfish - THE soul food place in Seattle apparently.  Food was yummy and the place was warm and cozy.  Then we stopped at Stumptown, one of the best coffee places in Seattle. 

   

We finished off the late morning with a visit to Pike's Place and Seattle Coffee Works. Once Rikesha got to the airport and got on the plane, the sun came out.  Of course.

It was a fun trip that also inspired me to decorate my apartment because of a really cute prints and framing store that we found by UDUB.

Thank God for Mom

By Irene

Packing the car up for hopefully the last time was sort of like shopping without having to pay for anything. I gathered: canned food, towels, knifes and forks, drinking glasses, a pan, paper towels, toilet paper, I found a huge thing of coffee (YES!!!), I mean, I took our big black table (you know, our dining room table that we've had forever?). Mom made me food. I took two of your posters which were hanging out in the garage (Death Valley and Color of Love, tell me if you had plans to use them). I also took a shelf you never ended up putting in your room. I took a table cloth and the thing you put under it (Mom's doing). I basically cleaned out the house of stuff mom has been collecting for years but that haven't been used in ages. Oh yea, I took a french press, and the food processor (though that's grandma's).

I also saw Brindha!!! Helen, it was SO good to see her. This summer has been very weird in the friends sector, what with the girls both gone, no one from college in town, and other stuff. So seeing her and talking to her, giving her a huge hug (multiples), and hearing her optimism and perspective made leaving for college and starting this semester possible. Also, Joe Biden? What's the scoop? And she brought me back earrings and a hat from Bolivia. I used to think about you know, which friends I'll have forever and which I won't. But I think I'm going to stop thinking about it like that. I don't know whether or not Brindha and I will be friends forever, I just know that right now we have a really wonderful, great relationship. And I can't wait for her to come visit in September and then to come back from Oxford so I can visit her in Stanford again. But I daren't say we'll be friends forever, not because I don't want to, but because sometimes you have to let people go if there isn't the same bond anymore (and create a different type of relationship) and maybe even let new people in, which I've never really thought about because that's scary and tiring. You actually, don't have that leeway, because sisters are a different animal altogether.

I'm ready to write a post that would do this post's title justice, but I think you know what I mean when I say it, so I'm leaving it at is. I know you are going to succeed on Tuesday, and mom and dad know so too. So through brain waves, genetics, and osmosis (just for kicks) you know it too.

Change

It's interesting how friendships change over the years.  What happened to the best friend from kindergarten?  Are you still close? Or are you almost like two strangers bound by memories and not much else.

Or did you grow apart but kind of always know you can come back and it is like no time has passed?

I feel like my friendships for college are more absolute - more black and white.  We grew together then and the expectation is that we stay the same.  As things change, personalities develop and people go  in the chosen direction, that common ground turns out to be not so common sometimes.

It seems that my friendships after college are more dynamic and understanding but also probably less deep.  These aren't the people who knew me when I was growing and developing - but are now the people who see me as I am.

I also have noticed that some of my current friendships are stemming from professional relationships first so that makes it different from a purely personal encounter because we can't exactly dismiss each other or be too hard on each other because we work together.

I always look forward to seeing my old friends from college.  I know their little quirks and all the family names.  I remember some very important moments in their lives.  But sometimes I worry that a lot of judgment comes with those friendships. 

"You are not who I thought you were" or "You've changed" somehow sounds like a bad thing - but don't we all change and adapt...I definitely think so.